did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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