just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
