some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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