I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
