I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize