i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
