I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
