Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
