people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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