why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Also, beer. Big fan.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
