i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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