I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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