Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
