my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
