I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
be right there i have to get my cape
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
