WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
