Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
