You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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