I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
