God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
