and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
