He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She's the barista slut.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
