i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
