maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Randomize
