Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
