my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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