After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
