i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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