Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
