she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
