just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I stole a fireplace last night.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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