Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
