Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize