i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
