So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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