The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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