What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
