y did u give ur computer a hand job?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize