Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
