I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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