can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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