I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
