It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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