I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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