I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
