I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
