Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just cut my nipple shaving
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
