Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize