my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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