I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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