Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
