I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
