Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
