i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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