if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
