I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
