whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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