Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
