why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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