At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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