Just mADE A PArabola og urine
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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