I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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