OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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