i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
