i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
