I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
