Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
