I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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