He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
