I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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