Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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