Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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