the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
