Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
