my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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