where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize