Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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