Michael Bay diarrhea
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
