THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
