I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
