dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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