Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
