When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
