return my video game
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
