Yo dont text me then not text me
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
