He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
