just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
