she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
