don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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