He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
