Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
