Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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