bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
