My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
