eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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