i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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