I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
