My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Randomize
