A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
