It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
