Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
