Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
