i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
