I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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