Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
