Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
