I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize