DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
