There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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