Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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