Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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