Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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