I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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