do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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