I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
