It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
