Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize