Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
