I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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