Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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